dear friends

dear friends,

what has been done is done. what could have been done, there is no point to brood about it. what you could do next time is something that i would like and hope to see.

truths and lies

are something that i could not differentiate anymore. once before, i chose to believe in someone. someone i believe who will never lie because the person hates people who lie. the very truth had unfolded a few days ago. i am not sure whether should i be happy about it.

should i be happy that i finally uncovered the truth behind the lie?
should i be sad that the person actually had lied to me?

it bothers me. i believe ignorance is bliss. i believe curiosities kill the cat. i believe people are selfish in nature. everything is unraveled; things which i do not believe in the past but i had to believe now because it is happening right in front of my eyes. in the end, i am left only myself to believe in.

why it has to be like this?

im tired

i am sick and tired with my life! i am tired with the family i lived in. i am tired with the life i am in. i am tired with always taking all the initiatives be it friends or lover. why is it always i am the one taking the initiatives? or is it that i failed to be one of the priorities in your list? well, if that is the case, why should i even bother to place you in mine at all? or maybe i am just too insignificant in your life, whether i am there or not, life still goes on for you, am i right? if i am even a bit important to you, why don’t i see it in your action after all?

promises made but not kept. i really hate those people who practices this. it just shows me another reason that i am simply unimportant to you. now that all these is happening, i know who are the ones i should appreciate and who are the ones i should give up on.

whether you make it into my future, it does not matter anymore because it happens for a reason, my friend! no one really understands me well or should i say, they did not even try at all. i will choose to disappear.

fml

seriously, what i thought to be done by parents themselves ended up done by me. the fridge and the shelves are always empty but no one is doing anything about it. all they know is to consume but never did they have any simple idea of replenishing it. great! dear parents, thanks for being such caring. if you think i can live without food, then you are wrong. just love to see how you both screwed up parenting.

disappointments

well, it is either i have too high expectations on people or people just does not know what i really prefers.

these recent weeks, i am so disappointed with the doings of both my mom and dad. they simply have no plans in mind, no goals in life and heading to somewhere where i do not see any future in it. i tried to help them, i tried to advise them but does not seem to work in that way. they just left me with more disappointments in them.

my only wish on my birthday would be the companion of my friends with me. this would be my best birthday gift of all. maybe to some of them, they did not know realize it because i never have mentioned. in my opinion, it is kind of weird to ask people out and the reason to tell them was to celebrate birthday with you. it should be the other way round where people ask you out and give you a surprise. it was saddened by it and decided to head back my hometown.

i was very touched when most of them came back just for me even when one of them was down with trachea infection. felt really sorry for her. they even planned to head to genting but too bad, i came back too late. we had supper instead.

the very next day, we went for dinner at this dining place that served western meals. at the end of it, the waiter brought a cake and i almost mentioned that it is for the wrong table. they bought me a cake and it is my favourite cake, blueberry cake! we head to cafe after which my two friends dedicated and sang me a birthday song. there were a whole lot of people looking at me! i felt embarrassed but in fact, i was really happy that they planned all this without me knowing at all. i really love surprises! they even brought me for a drink and to my surprise, i could drink much more this time. cheers!

they really did lighten and cheered me up. i am really glad for having them around me. birthday is GREAT if only you have GREAT friends to be there to celebrate for you.

happy birthday

happy birthday… to me! it’s another year that has gone by. looking back, what have i felt in my previous year?

1. felt loved by her.
2. felt blissful for having her.
3. felt sad because of her.
4. felt heartbroken because she left.
5. felt sad because i missed her.
6. felt terrible because it’s her birthday tomorrow.

happy birthday to you too!