i love my family.

i do and i mean it. i really do love my family but why do they always be like this? i’m accepting the fact that i’m their son and i played my role in my family. i behaved well, i tried my best to be my best in everything i do. didn’t i make them proud enough? didn’t i do well enough for them? what do they still want from me in order for them to start thinking? a tragedy happened in my family and yet i’m the last one to know about it. am i too oblivious to my surroundings? am i too ignorant to know? why do they kept it from me? why my mom kept it from me? why my dad don’t even dare to speak a word when i confronted him? i just want to hear from him, words from him to explain to me what’s been happening with all those bills on my hands? bills that all add up to the cost of thousands and thousands more. why doesn’t he wake up from his idea yet? we’ve told him times and times. i’ve told him for the last time, i’m not going to forgive him anymore if this happens again and it did.

since he has decided on his path and i’ll be on mine soon. from today onwards, i have lost my dad. i have lost all my confidence in him. all i want is to feel belong in this family and yet i don’t! all thanks to him. he just broke my family, our family. yes, he did!

death

this might be a taboo to some of us. some will even avoid talking about it but to me, it seems like i’m +ve on everything about it. i found this phrase while i was reading some article which i find it was quite true for some reasons. just to share it.

“for while we exist, death is not present and when death is present, we no longer exist”.

one day, if i knew i’m going to die, i’ll write a a list of things to fulfill before i’m going to meet my maker. it won’t be a long list of 50 items but it’ll be down to 10 at least. i won’t be telling or sharing it with anyone closes to me. not to anyone at all. this isn’t something great or good to share about. blame me for being selfish but i just hope i’ll leave this world happily without any worries or sadness. i don’t wish to see gloomy faces, sorrowful days ahead. that’s what i’ll do but don’t worry, for the moment, i’m still fit and in the pink of health.

Chuan Shuo by Lin You Jia & Liu Li Yang

女：宇宙洪荒那時候
yu zhou hong huang na shi hou
when the universe is flooded

第一句愛是誰說出口
di yi ju ai shi shui shuo chu kou
who will the be first to say the word ‘love’

當時的他　如何形容
dang shi de ta ru he xing rong
how will they describe the person at that time

對方　聽懂不懂
dui fang ting dong bu dong
will the other person understand

男：開天闢地了以後
kai tian pi di le yi hou
after the sky and earth has opened up

第一對戀人什麼結果
di yi dui lian ren shen me jie guo
what will be the ending for the first pair of lovers

洞穴湖泊　日升月落
dong xue hu po ri sheng yue luo
caves and rivers, rising of the sun and setting of the moon

他們　愛了多久
ta men ai le duo jiu
how long have they loved each other

如果我們那時就相遇
ruo guo wo men na shi hou jiu xiang yu
if we met at that time

會不會愛得比較放心
hui bu hui ai de bi jiao fang xin
would we have loved more assuredly

合：也許分離　還没被發明　來折磨愛情
ye xu fen li hai mei bei fa ming
maybe separation was yet to exist

来折磨爱情
lai qi mo ai qing
the torment of love

*chorus begins
男：一千次輪迴都不錯過
yi qian ci lun hui dou bu cuo guo
even thousand times of reincarnation, will still meet

女：一萬里相隨都不放手
yi wan li xiang sui dou be fang shou
even ten thousand times, will not let go

合：在每個盡頭　再約好碰頭
zai mei ge jin tou zai yue hao peng tou
at every end, will arrange again to meet

再睜開眼　就認出你我
zai zheng kai yan jiu ren chu ni wo
open eyes again and will recognize each other

女：一千次輪迴足不足夠
yi qian ci lun hui zu bu zu gou
thousand times of reincarnation, is it enough?

男：一萬里漂泊又算什麼
yi wan li piao bo you suan shen me
what do ten thousand times of drifting mean?
*chorus ends

合：這人海遼闊　愛總被磋跎
zhe ren mei liao kuo ai zong bei cuo tuo
this person who is yet to feel love is always being hindered

總該　留一篇傳說
zong gai liu yi pian chuan shuo
should always leave behind a legend

合：我会尽我全力 抵抗时间的侵袭
wo hui jing wo quan li di kang shi jian de qin xi
i will try my very best to resist changes of time

不停的爱你 HOHO…… bu ting de ai ni
will not stop loving you

*repeat the chorus

女：OH 还好我有你
Oh hai hao wo you ni
luckily I still have you

男：幸好你有我
xin hao ni you wo
luckily you still have me

合：一起写一篇传说
yi qi xie yi pian chuan shuo
let’s leave behind a legend together

Always be my baby

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I’m letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m a part of you indefinitely
Girl don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby

I ain’t gonna cry no
And I won’t beg you to stay
If you’re determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you’ll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m part of you indefinitely
Girl don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby

I know that you’ll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you’ll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it’s only a matter of time

You’ll always be apart of me
I’m part of you indefinitely
Girl don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my my baby….

You’ll always be apart of me (you will always be)
I’m part of you indefinitely
Girl don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on (we will linger on….)
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby

Always be my baby

sad =(

how am i suppose to react when i heard that? how am i suppose not to be sad when you told me all that? today’s the first day i’ve not been hearing from you at all. are we going to be like this on-going for weeks? months or even years? i’m not getting use to this. the fact is i’m trying to distract myself by watching tons of movies, dramas and i think it’s not working. i’m not being distracted by any of it. my mind is still on you.

i would have never guessed i’ll be so lonely before. i dread it when i think of the days i’m going to live without you. the days that i won’t be receiving your messages and your calls. i’m so paranoid when my cellphone rings when it receives message. how i wish it was you but it wasn’t. you think this was better for me? for us? maybe or maybe not. do you hear this? do you hear the sound of my heart breaking into pieces? why i just can’t be with people i chose to love and to cherish for life?

there’s nothing else i ever wanted but you. i really do want to be with you. you have become my top priority since you came into my life. whatever the ending might be, you chose to or chose not, i won’t leave. i’ll never be absent from your side. that’s my promise to you.

shi fei ti, topics of gossip

是非题
Shi Fei Ti
Topics of Gossip

每段故事都有一篇剧情
Mei duan gu shi dou you yi pian ju qing
Every part of a story has a plot

每段爱情都像动人旋律
Mei duan ai qing dou xiang dong ren xuan lu
Every part of love is like a touching melody

一颗真心却只向着你前进
Yi ke zhen xin que zhi xiang zhe ni qian jin
Yet (my) heart only advances towards you

也许爱 越单纯越着迷
Ye xu ai yue dan chun yue zhao mi
Perhaps the more innocent the love is, the more mesmerizing it is

你是窗外另外一片风景
Ni shi chuang wai ling wai yi pian feng jing
You are the scenery outside the window

在你眼里我是什么关系
Zai ni yan li wo shi shen me guan xi
In your eyes, what is our relationship?

你的呼吸藏在我的爱情里
Ni de hu xi cang zai wo de ai qing li
Your every breath is buried in my love

何时能诚实面对自己
He shi neng cheng shi mian dui zi ji
When will be the time when (I) can face myself honestly?

我们从不开口那个言语
Wo men cong bu kai kou na ge yan yu
Our language is one where we never open our mouths

那一句我爱你
Na yi ju wo ai ni
That one sentence, “I love you”

永远像少了勇气
Yong yuan xiang shao le yong qi
Always seems to be lacking a little courage

别人都说
Bie ren dou shuo
Everyone says

我和你之间的关系
Wo he ni zhi jian de guan xi
The relationship between you and me

没有人相信只有关心
Mei you ren xiang xin zhi you guan xin
Nobody believes that it’s as simple as we say*

我们从不正视那个问题
Wo men cong bu zheng shi na ge wen ti
The problem that we never dare to face

那一些是非题
Na yi xie shi fei ti
All the gossip

总让人伤透脑筋
Zong rang ren shang tou nao jin
Always creates headaches

我会期待
Wo hui qi dai
I will anticipate

爱盛开那一个黎明
Ai cheng kai na yi ge li ming
The daybreak when love will bloom

一定会有美丽的爱情
Yi ding hui you mei li de ai qing
There will definitely be a beautiful love

shi fei ti by fan wei qi.

to confide

it’s not that i love to talk to you on the phone. besides that, it’s like a magic that works everytime once i get to hear your voice. it’s like you’ll diminish and kicks all my unhappiness away. magical isn’t it? it works. recently, been having troubles with my family. i wanted to find someone that i can confide in. it’s hard to find someone whom understands and shares the same view about something. i wanted to share with you everything but sadly, you was too tired or you was too busy for me. i just can’t bear to take some of your precious time away. i keep it to myself in the end. i think yesterday was a peak to me. i’m sorry. i vent all my frustations on you. i wanted to talk to you so much that ended up losing my cool. am i hard to pleased or are you cruel to me? those few days are good but things changed rather fast. i couldn’t adjust to it.

your devotion

i saw a skater with his legs bleeding. he must have fell badly. he continued on skating. i asked him, “why? why do you choose to continue?” he says, “it’s something that i love to do.”

i saw a cyclist with his arms fractured. he must have gone through hell. i saw him again on his bicycle. i asked him the same question i asked the skater, “why do you choose to continue?” he says, “it’s my life. i’ll never part with it.”

i asked myself, “why do i choose to continue even though i’ve bled and hurted by her?” i answered, “it’s my devotion. it’s my undying love to someone whom i want to cherish for life. i’ll never give up. not now, not then. we’ve been through ups and downs and i’m never going to stop myself from going through all these with you. i know i will suffer pain, heartache then but who never suffered like lovers did. i still believe that course of true love is never easy. so, i will endure through, stay put and show you that i’m true all along. never will i change”

wedding

i’m just done with 27 dresses. a romantic comedy film. a quote from the film.

“love is patient. love is kind. love means slowly losing your mind.”

haha. i find it amusing. entertaining but true. sometimes, movie is nice to watch alone. even better if there’s someone watching it with you. doesn’t have to be in cinema. it can be right anywhere as long as you’re feeling comfortable and enjoying watching it. it’ll be fine.

wedding is the day you’ll feel complete; whole. the day that you’ll be completely binded to your other half. the day you promised that you’ll give your lifetime to your other half for better of for worse. i believe it should be only done once in a lifetime because you should only get married to the one and only one you love but finding it rather hard. so don’t give up, be patient and have faith in yourself that you’ll find the right one.

one important point to take note; you can’t start a relationship based on lies. let’s be honest and truthful to each other. relationship is based on trust. without trust, the whole foundation that you built for years will just stumble and fall. you would not love to see that to happen.

to me, there’s nothing else more important than giving her all my bestest. nothing else i came to cherish for, to embrace and to love. all i can give, is my lifetime to her; protecting her, fulfilling her dreams and to make her feel complete; whole. i would give in my all to her. not any her i’m talking about. it’s the her that i would like to be my lifetime partner for. i always love these quotes. enjoy.

“when a man loves a woman; protect respect forgive support & be reliable. name it, he can do it for her”.

“when a woman loves a man; trust understand respect encourage sacrifice & be honest. anything at all, she can do it for him”.

this i promise you by n*sync.