today

today is not any other day, today is the day i’ve lost you. “my dear friend” are the words that i’m afraid to use or even hear because of my undoing that made me lost something special, precious and i know there’s nothing i could do to gain it back. i’m dedicating this entry to you.

she’s someone special to me. we share a lot of incommon. she understands me as if she can read my mind. she definitely speaks my mind. at times, we had our very own thoughts that leads us to disagreements but we do all by respect each others opinion. we speak our thoughts freely and tried our very best to not be so critical because we have the same personality and traits, we can be critical to others but couldn’t accept critical towards us. tolerance and understanding makes things work out for us.

i learned from her and she listens to me. she improvised my thoughts and taught me things i could’ve never known in my life if i hadn’t met her. i loved listening to others; be it great stories of success or weeping tragedy of romance. i heard hers and she listened mine. we cared, encouraged and never neglect each other for the day. “i entertain you. next time i’m bored you make sure you reply my sms too.” this is our promise.

things we were working out for both of us. i never had to go through a day without her and she’ll definitely never missed my companion as well. be it to work, after work, on the way to tuition, before going to sleep, etc. every morning before she woke up and every night before she sleeps, i’ll definitely wouldn’t miss sending my best of the day to her. for morning, i’ll make sure my message will be the first she’ll see when she on her phone. for night, i’ll be sure my message is the last one she’ll see before she goes to make her sweet dream. she had a bad dream. from that day on, i promised to do an exchange with her. “all the bad dream goes to me and the good dreams for you”. till now, i’m still keeping my exchange.

as days passes by, phone kept ringing at nights, chatting and laughing away. i just love hearing her laughters. it pains me to hear her weep. so, i’ll try my best to make up her day even it might be a pretty bad day for her, i’ll try to salvage it up. little things might not be a matter to anyone but if i can make someone happy, i’ll be more willingly to do. i’ve got this little notebook. i know i’m forgetful so by having this book, i hope we can be closer. i wrote everything about her in it. one day, i’m afraid i might forget this someone. so i tried to jot down every single things i can remember and i will read it when i’m free. over and over again.

now looking back, my last entry on the book was on march 30, 2008. this is where “we” end. waking up today, i felt i had a strange and yet beautiful dream. strange because i felt everything was unreal. did it happened? or did i woke up from just another dream? i felt very sad today but i know i’ve got to carry on. trying to be happy and sad at the same time can be so hard. faking a smile to let people know i’m fine is even harder. i never knew such thing will cost me so much of pain. my lesson this time cost me a lot and it teaches me a lot too. never say things you don’t mean it, never promise if you’re not able to keep it, lastly, never lie if you don’t want to lose it. my phone never rang again.

now, she’s definitely like a star beyond my reach, no matter how hard i try, how fast i try to keep up, i know, i’ll never reach to her.

a song by kaira gong. zai yi chi yong you.

a friend

friends come and go but there is this someone who made such a deep imprint such that when she left, she tore me apart as well. our meeting was such a short one but it was indeed my best. the best thing that happened in my life. they say, “you’ll never realize such thing until you lose it”. it did. i just lost mine. i think i’ll never look up at myself again. i can never bring myself to accept what i did for it was so wrong. i can never stop hating myself. this moment, i pronounced “myself” dead. i’m never the same again.

you’re like a meteor shower,
so beautiful, a spectacular moment of my life.
yet, it can be so transient.
without realizing,
the moment just passes by and…
i knew it’ll never come again.

hero

yes and that’s what i’m going to write for this entry. have you ever dream of being a hero when you’re young and naive? dreaming of saving the world, keeping your loved one safe from all harms, etc. well, i do. i thought of having supernatural powers and being able to make anything goes right when everything goes wrong. then, when i grew up… i abandoned this dream of mine; thinking it was merely a dream after all. now, to think of it; anyone is someone’s hero. for me, i would like to be her hero.

someone whom you can seek shelter from harm,
someone whom you can count on during bad times,
someone whom you can share your good times and truly being happy for you,
someone who’ll safeguard your dream; keeping away your worst nightmares and down pouring you with good dreams,
someone who’ll wipe away your tears and bring you smiles whenever you’re down,
someone who’ll walk with you the path to achieve your dreams,
someone who’ll make things happen just to see a little cheer on her face,
someone who’ll run forever if to love is to walk.

i hope that someone you’re looking for is me.

mv: hero by enrique iglesias.

relieve

things are getting better; one or another way. he seems positive about it. that’s a plus for him which i don’t think i’m able to do if i’m in his condition. his calmness and positive mindset is unbelievable. well, seems like i’ve never got the wrong person to be my mentor. haha. my choice was never wrong after all. nevertheless, i shall never stop praying for both. there’s another sick person to be accounted for. haha. you know who you are. things are getting out of hand; if this continues… i’ll take over and manage all your daily routines. haha. no choice but you have to succumb. haha. alright, i’ll pray for your well being.

mv: collide by howie day.

i’m worried

i’m worried about my cousin. i went over to his house today and find that he’s asleep. i didn’t want to disrupt him from his sleep. i just wanted to go over to have a look on him. maybe to offer some help or to chat with him. he loves to read newspapers. now, he gets tired easily if he reads with an eye. putting strain on it. so, tell me… what are left that we can do without using our eyes? i couldn’t think of any. eyes are equally important as our limbs. i hope everything will be fine. i’ll pray for you, my beloved cousin. hope you’ll get well soon. i believe you’ll gain your strength again. i have faith in you. for the sick personnel, i’ll pray for you too. you know who you are. i’ll pray that your cough will be over as soon as you can imagine along with your overtimes.

for you… may great things happens everyday, one after another all the way!

sleepless nights

i’ve had sleepless nights recently. i’m not sure of why i’m having these but most probably it’s the anxieties and the worries i had in me. i feel i’m losing sleep. insomnia attacks? today has been a very cold day. in fact, i felt chilling. just had my warm bath and it felt better by a little. recent happenings had made impacts through me. i’m not sure of how to explain or why but i felt it’s troubling me. it’s like the aftermath of an earthquake. maybe it’s because of that i’m losing my sleep.

i’m always alone since i’m young. being the only child in the family. i played alone, i laugh alone, almost anything all alone. in the care of my eldest aunt, i’m the youngest in the family. the youngest son in her family is ten years apart from me. so, i’m almost like a little brother to them. they took great care of me. they made me their family. i grew up never knowing my parents and even called my aunt my mom only till that very day, my cousins told me that i’m wrong. “she’s not your mom”. then i knew that i lived far apart from my own family. being able to see them twice or thrice a year; 3/365, i felt lonelier than before. being alone, i seldom communicate with others. in fact, that makes me dislike to talk to others. i had a very few friends. i had only friends whom i called friends in school and nothing else. this carries on till i’m primary three.

i’m never a good student neither carries good behaviour in school. i fought with schoolmates. i played pranks on them. i break every single rules that they have. i just did fairly well in exams. i guess i was an attention seeker. nevertheless, nothing much make a difference in the eyes of my own parents. they will just scold me, beat me everytime i sees them. so, being wanted to see them every year so often, missing them soon after i saw them each time; i begin to break free. i hope that i’ll see them lesser, not wanting to even hear from them, didn’t even want to talk to them at all. i’m losing interest.

it was the truth that i hate to hear about. truth that is so ugly and unbearable and yet it has been a fact that i lived through since i’m young. something that i’ve always kept within myself. something that i dare not even reveal to others or even share with others. that’s another reason i’m alone because i didn’t want others to know so much about me. i’m nothing more like a shell. never showing my real person to anyone.

this carries on till i’m primary six. something struck me. i don’t remember clearly what was it that i went through but i changed. i begin to work so hard. never giving up to the fate nor believing in destiny. i want to stand out, i want to show them what i can do by myself. i made it. i wanted people to acknowledge me and i did it. my friend, my teachers. that was the beginning of my life.

alright, this is all for now. i shall continue later. let me share something with all of you. i picked this up from our old blog. tell me what you think about this.

She is tired.
Tired of developing feelings for guys who don’t like her.
Tired of entertaining people who she doesn’t have interest in.
She doesn’t want to be loved or to love – either way, it sucks.
Reciprocal love is the most ideal but how many actually achieve that?

Understanding Myopia

do let me take some of your time to let you understand the seriousness behind myopia and myopia-related eye diseases. this is because it happened to the one i cared about and i hope you will pass on this message to the ones you care for as well. do not take things for granted; minors can be major if been delayed. prevention is better than cure.

Myopia or short-sightedness is a form of refractive error that causes distant objects to appear blurred.

Singapore has one of the highest incidences of myopia worldwide. 20% of Singaporean children at the age of 7 years are found to be myopic. This increases to 70% by the time they complete college. More importantly, about 10% of Singaporean adults have high myopia (more than -6.0 dioptres or 600 degrees). These people are more likely to suffer from myopia-related eye diseases which are potentially blinding:

Retinal Tears and Detachment. When you have myopia, your retina (the layer of the eye that detects light) can become weakened resulting in retinal tears. You may experience floaters (seeing black dots) or flashes when this happens. When discovered early, this can be effectively treated with laser. But if delayed, the retina may become separated resulting in retinal detachment. Surgery can reattach it but there may still be permanent loss of vision.

Myopic Degeneration. When the macula, which is the most sensitive part of your retina degenerates, it can cause distortion or loss of central vision. Laser treatment may help if this is caused by growth of abnormal blood vessels.

Cataract. Cataract (or opacity of the lens of the eye) can occur at a younger age if you have myopia. This can be effectively treated with cataract removal and implantation of an artificial lens.

Glaucoma. The risk of glaucoma is slightly higher in myopic people, and occurs when high eyeball pressures damage the nerve of the eye. Early diagnosis and treatment is the key in preventing blindness.

Contact Lens Related Problem. If you wear contact lenses, you may develop problems like infectious corneal ulcers. It is important to adhere to a correct contact lens wear regime and proper hygiene measure, and to have your eyes checked at least once a year by an eye care practitioner.

- An article taken from an advertisement by Tan Tock Seng hospital.

celebration

we celebrated asath’s birthday and suwah’s birthday at sakura @ orchard. other than the usual five which are zhibin, bingjie, jinjing, suwah, asath; there are new people around this time, lovelle and john. we ate so much that the plates were pilling up. haha. it’s just another day. for those who are feeling unwell, you know who you are, please take good care of yourself. if you can’t, let me do it. i’ll prepare a checklist for you to tick. haha. i hate the feeling of not being able to do anything at all especially when someone is so sick and yet you can offer nothing to help out. for me, i’ll try my best to put in whatever i could to help. be it little or much, i would offer my help rather than to look. nothing pains you more than seeing your love ones being ill and helpless. i’m afraid; illness are catching up with me soon. i’m even afraid; it’ll be too soon.

finally awake

finally been awaken from a strange dream. all these while, i’m living in a dream. never knew i’m wrong, never knew i could be so wrong. what was done is done. nothing could change the facts that it’s done. +1 to knowledge. now, i must apply what i learnt. slowly and patiently. firstly, i must thank the person who made me realize and awaken from that dream. thank you! secondly, i apologize for all the troubles that i’ve made you gone through. countless of times that you have to explain it to me; over and over again. countless of times you have to stay awake and answer all my silly questions; over and over again. countless of times you have been losing your sleep; over and over again. countless of times you have been bearing all my word attacks; over and over again. i’m sorry! nevertheless, you’re a great friend. i shall make you a medal. haha. dream on! haha. later going out to shop for gifts. hope we’ll get something nice. a short clip from a walk to remember. nice song.

only hope by mandy moore.

jogging spree

on monday, i jogged. wednesday morning i did; life run. wednesday evening, i ran with qiaoyun. now, i just came back from it. haha. i love to perspire. exercising makes me feel happy. releasing of endorphin does the trick. haha. for those who don’t know about endorphin, google it and you shall find the answer. haha. nowadays, i think i did  a lot of silly things. ironically, i was happy doing it. haha. ok. i’m back to reading but in a slow pace. well, it’s better than nothing at all. birthdays is around the corner. happy birthday to all the ariesian. tomorrow we’re going out to celebrate. hope it will be a fun-thrilled day. finally i can get to see them again. voila~ i bought another pair of nike shoe today. haha. i love to have a lot of things. i think my mom will nag once she found out about this. nevertheless, i like the shoe. haha.